To Whom This May Concern

Dear Consumer,
I don’t know where you originally shopped... but no, all my smalls are not in one spot... unless it’s in my Sale section. We both know a cheapo like you will end up back there anyway, so in that case it’s under the big red sign that says “Small”! Novel idea, I know.

Secondly, you just got an as-is pair of pants for $2, do not ask me to search over to make sure it’s not actually damaged. We already established it’s on the as-is rack to begin with. No, I will not discount it further because we find a tiny hole. Let’s just count your lucky stars that for $2 I’m not selling you a piece of fabric that somewhat resembles your grandmother's couch cushions.

Thirdly, don’t ask me where Vegas is in comparison to where you are at this very moment. You sure are lost and anything I tell you will not be understood by the pea sized brain you were blessed. Just drive west (that’s this way) until you hit nothing but desert with no civilization within at least 50 miles, dig a hole in the sand and stick your head it in. Now ponder on the moronic wonder you are. If you are able to find your way back maybe you actually can be among other people. If not, well, we haven’t lost anything.

Dear Bank Manager,
Thank you for your interest in managing this fine institution. I have a few ideas for you; however I could not find your comment box. First, I need a real quick re cap on fractions... Two tellers on front end for 14 clients, and four tellers in the window for two cars is not equal… especially on a Monday. But maybe you were too busy "greeting" new patrons to realize this.

Secondly (now I hope I’m not stepping on any toes by saying this), I think that the number one qualification when hiring a new teller should be that they are able to count to at least 100. Now I realize this might eliminate some otherwise perfect candidates. However, me as a patron would much rather that warty face kid who sat in the back of Biology than someone who cannot count, or maybe you can hold some sort of 6 week training course. You can call it "Two Comes after One and Other Basic Skills Most People Learned in Kindergarten".

Thirdly, I know the Swine Flu is scary, however I do not think your tellers time is best used disinfecting his entire area between each client. If you failed to realize, there are 14 of us who are ready to take you out back and show you what’s really important. If all of this is an action plan to discourage robbers to come here, I understand, however if this is to happen again I may be bringing my own gun because then I might be able to get on with my day. Thank you very much for your concern.

Dear Corporate Offices,
I am not sure what calendar system your company is on but June 14 and May 20 are not even close to the same day. It’s no wonder your company is having to take cut backs because with theories like that I am surprised your open at all. Enclosed you will find a calendar complete with sticky notes; I’m sure that if you use this new world system we might actually get somewhere. Thanks very much for your time.

Jenny Jenny Bo Benny

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!!!

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To!

Though the title of this post may imply otherwise, my birthday was pretty awesome(I only cried a little, and hey it's me were talking about here, what do you expect?) I am one lucky 25 year old! My birthday kicked any other birthday in the butt! I pretty much was spoiled rotten. But I just wanted to say THANKS to everyone! (And to whom it may concern: this is your public warning that pay back is a b*****)

Easter Eggs

Today my family dyed Easter eggs! Woo-hoo! So much fun!
These are the good sports that posed with their favorite egg:

Emily

Jeff

Chad

Cutie Patutie Nephew

David(my bro) and Brandon(my nephew) stopped by to say hi a few weeks ago. I love them SO much and was grateful for a visit! I just wanted to share a few pictures.

To Be or Not to Be...

That truly is the question... For the last few weeks I have been debating:

BROWN HAIR?

Or BLONDE HAIR

So I am putting it out there for the masses. Which should I do? HELP!!!

(disclaimer: I apologize for the poor picture choices, I came unprepared and am stuck with crap!)

New Mexico A-Z

A- Airplane. My name is Kara, and I was an airplane virgin. You got it, I flew for the first time in my life last week. I even comforted Suzanne when she got air sick on our first flight (well I did my best). Minus the lap dance and concussion, I think I flew like a pro!

B- Bravo. Best Italian Restaurant ever! Like, really! We went to it three days in a row, and trying to be gutsy, I decided to try three different meals. Bad idea, should have stuck with day one choice of pesto tortellini... now I want it like something FIERCE! Ugh!

C- Cowboys. Okay really only one cowboy. Like Suz said, I'm a hussy.

D- Dunkin' Donuts. Mmm.. I'm pretty sure that I ate a dozen of these all by myself. I'm also pretty sure I came back looking like a doughnut too, but no biggie! Did you know that you may start in New Mexico, but have to travel through Louisiana and Pennsylvania and finally end up in Wyoming to get to one of these babies? Good thing they are worth it!

E- Erika. I would hope that she would make it on my list, she was the main reason that we went to New Mexico after all. Minus her lack of direction she was a BLAST! And her family was pretty cool too!

F- Friends. Food. Fun. That's what a vacation needs!

G- Gorgeous temple. We only got there at night... but look how pretty!

H- Hot Air Balloons. Those New Mexicans REALLY like them. We however didn't take one for a whirl.

I- Ice cream. Apparently New Mexico has fake ice cream. If you get Spumoni and it has pistachio pieces and cherry bits in it, it's not real. We didn't try the chocolate, but Suzanne was sure that it would have had "chocolate beans" in it. Who knew?

J- Jana. Good ol' go with the flow Jana. She's like the energizer bunny, she keeps going and keeping the mood light all day long. Without her we wouldn't have any of the scenery pictures. Oh! And she was our mini van interior decorator!

K- Kara. What kind of a vacation would it have been if I didn't bring myself along?

L- Laughing. I haven't laughed so hard and so much in a very long time. You have no idea how funny we all are! I'm serious.

M- Malls. Aww... our mother ships. In total we went to 3 malls, 1 outlet, and 2 historic shopping districts. Obsessive? I think not.

N- Nativo Lodge. This was our lovely living quarters for our trip. Very authentic. And they didn't mind when we took "sexy" pictures in the lobby. Maid service left a bit to be desired, but that's okay!

O- Out of the way. We sure went out of our way everywhere we were going. Whether this was due to Map Quest directions, our tour guides theory to go right, right, and then one more right (which I only have myself to blame), or just because we were loose to follow our own instincts, it took us forever to get anywhere!

P- People. They sure are classy down there (no offense)!

Q- Quick wit. Apparently I have great one-liners and I'm not funny the rest of the time. That's what they all claim anyway.

R- Ravioli. It's bilingual there. Well...maybe only one-lingual (I know, not a word), it never clarified if it could speak English.

S- Suzanne. This woman can plan things, New Mexico happened because of all her preparation. She is a mini van driver extraordinaire. She tends to get testy if her ice cream is fake. Oh and apparently she has a hairy David... just act normal if it ever comes up, she doesn't like you to make a big fuss about it.

T- Tram. We went on the longest Tram in the world (that's what they claim... I'm taking their word for it). It's 2.7 miles up a 10,000+ ft peak. And when you get to the top you can go to the "High Finance Restaurant" (who do you think we talk to about the tacky name?). And, well...that's about it. Our tram guide Kelly was the bomb though!

U- Umbrella. Apparently even a few drops of rain can warrant busting this baby out.

V- Van. Our rental was a mini van. Random? Yes. Awesome? Totally! We had the choice of any car between parking spots 71-92. When we got out to the parking lot every spot was empty except for our gold sparkling mini van. So we were soccer moms for a week. Jana's husband has a drinking problem by the way.

W- Wake up. We all had ROUGH nights trying to sleep. Luckily for us we could always wake up to Jana's wide-eyed "I see you do, you see me?" face. If you ever get a chance to witness this, pass... its scary as!

X- Xanax. What Suzanne needed to survive the wind.

Y- Yodeling. Okay so we didn't really yodel. But there are not very many words that start with a Y. Jana did break out in song quite a bit though.

Z- Zamboni. If you mix a Zamboni with a calzone what do you get? It's a calzoni! Ask Mario's Pizza, they'll tell you!